"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. It's better to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, with body totally worn out and screaming ~"WOO HOO what a ride!"
- Name: Zeus
- Location: Granite Bay, CA
Work hard, play hard, be the best that you can be and when you can't - laugh!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Happy Birthday to Me!
Friday, November 10, 2006
Fondling myself in Starbucks
I was at Starbucks and had picked up my drink, but as I walked away I left my card on the counter. I went back to retrieve it and leaned over the "barista counter" to grab the card from the kind Barista.
Where I was leaning, to get the card, was a magazine rack and a piece of the rack caught my zipper while I was in motion. I instantly had the feeling my fly was down and my natural instinct was to check to make sure I was zippered up. But, the way I did it made it look like I was copping a feel of my unit (usually I'm not opposed to this, but not in public). It was at that moment that I remembered I was near the front of the line of people waiting to order their drinks and looked up to see if anyone caught me in my unintentional grope. My eyes met hers. She was very attractive and there on her lips was a half smile. I was dead in the water, full-on busted, caught in the act! What could I do, but smile, shrug my shoulders and get the hell out of there!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Halloween Story (G Rated Version)
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't
stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just
about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I
would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be
single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"Okay", the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child", said the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
MIA - Taking care of Dad - Something Bizarre
This is so weird that it will boggle your mind . . . . . AND you
will keep trying to do it at least 50 more times to see if you can
outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so . . . and there is nothing you can do about it. Now explain to your neighbor what you're doing and try not to sound mentally deficient.
Cheers - Zeus!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Old Age, Treachery & A Little Old Lady
bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of
the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady ....."I'd
better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How d id you get all that money?"
"Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the
parking lot of Wrigley Field. Each time there's a game, a lot
of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go
and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time
someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's
in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Some guys think I'm bluffing."
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I hadn't talked to her in about twenty years at that point and she just rattled on asking very probing questions: "Are you married?", "Do you have kids?" "Most of us aren't bringing our spouses, are you?!" So I asked an old male classmate who went to the reunion what was Erin all about. He knew what I was talking about. She's still attractive, married, but looking to find something on the side. Apparently, there's a few of the girls in the class up to the same thing - according to my old male classmate.
So, the message was to meet a few of the girls for lunch this Saturday at a coffee shop just to "catch up" and keep the connection going since the reunion. She told me to invite my old male classmate, too. Then she left her home number to return the call. When I looked on my cell phone to see if the number matched, it didn't. It was a residential number 10 miles from where she lived. A few things haven't added up in all of this. Most important is that I left that school after 4th grade and never came back. I dated one girl shortly in the early 80's, and the old male classmate is the only one I truly keep in touch with - oh, besides my Dentist(that's another story). So, I'm interested to see why the pursuit is persistent from Erin and her gaggle of girls. Stay Tuned - reports to follow.